Birthday Thought & Wishes

My birthday is just two weeks away, and it’s been on my mind a lot recently. It has been all over my thoughts these days… Not about the party; nothing at all… In fact, I rarely celebrate my birthday. I didn’t even have a birthday party when I was 17; that’s sad now that I think about it. It’s just that I don’t think of myself as someone who could have her birthday every year.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy celebrating my birthday with friends, because I actually had a great time doing that for the first time last year. It would be even better if I had someone special to share it with, but unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case for me these past four years (yay?). But yeah, it just seems to be the way things are going lately and I don’t have any excitement for my birthday anymore.

Every year, as I get older, I get fewer and fewer birthday greetings from friends. Presents or even a cake seem unlikely. I don’t know why I’m sounding so sad as I write this, but yeah… I won’t be expecting anything good for my birthday this 16th. Though, I am going to Bali with some friends—not to celebrate my birthday but because there will also be a rave party called DreamFields happening on that day.

It’s still tentative though for me, I haven’t bought the ticket for the rave yet. I honestly would rather be reading on the beach by myself with a couple of beers. I just miss chilling in Bali, that’s the only reasons I wanted to go there. I’ve already booked my airplane ticket and reserved a hotel room for three nights though, so we’ll see what happens.

(is there any of you going to the DreamFields?)

What is that actually in my mind according to my birthday?

Okay, I’m not sure whether I should be excited or terrified; I’ll most likely be both…. It’s just that… I turn 25 this year!

Perhaps some of you believe that I am still young, and while I’m not opposed to that theory, what most Indonesian women think- especially those who were born Chinese- is this: At my age, most women are either married with a cute little munchkin they call their child; engaged; or have a boyfriend with plans to get engaged within the next year or two.

The single ones, mostly a carrier woman, are pursuing their dreams; busy making money; knowing what they wanted to do in life and doing what they love. If you’re a woman of my age that is both in a relationship and doing something you love for work – good for you! I’m jelly of your almost perfect life. -at least for me-

As for me, you probably could tell, I’m neither of both.

career

It’s difficult for me to believe that I haven’t found my one true passion yet, and I’m already in my mid-twenties. I know that most people find their career path around this time, so I feel like a screw up. All I really want to do is travel the world, but since that’s not possible right now, it feels like I need to settle for second best.

Have you ever started panicking about your future? because i sure have… I regret all the times I’ve wasted and wish I could go back an change things.. I hope that nobody can relate to this, but if somebody does, I hope you’re stronger than me.

blogging

I love blogging, in fact, blogging is the only thing that highlights my day. I enjoy writing, taking photographs, and traveling, so I hope to be able to do all of that in the future, and earning money through my blog. It’s quite remarkable how 50 blog entries may get a hundred thousand views in only ten months. It’s beyond crazy and incredible.

Although I love blogging and my blog is helpful to you, the only benefit (materialistically) that I got until now was some vouchers for free dinner. However, I’m afraid they have all expired by now since it’s been such a long time since I last used them.

Though getting vouchers is not a bad thing, it unfortunately doesn’t pay any of my bills. It is a major time and energy consuming work, and the benefits don’t seem to outweigh the effort I put in. But I love doing it, so I will keep writing and reviewing! Hopefully someday someone will see the value in my blog and be willing to invest or donate something.

love

I don’t have a lot to say about this, haha.. I just haven’t met a weird guy who is totally into me and can cope with all of my weirdness yet.. But if you’re a fun good looking guy, you’ve been reading all that I rant about and still find me interesting, uhm…. You’re really weird! LOL..

wishes

If I could talk to my twenty-five-year-old self, I would tell her to live more in the moment and get out of her comfort zone. I would also encourage her to be braver about doing the things she’s been telling herself she should do, and take chances on opportunities–even if they seem small & stupid.

Finally, I’d remind myself to always say good things when times are tough, have faith in myself, praise God at all times, and.. give someone a chance. Aside on that note: an iPhone, a laptop, a complete make-over for my blog, advertisements, braces for teeth – and a solo trip to Europe Haha…

Okay, I’ve said my piece. I’m not expecting you to like this post any more than any of the others on my blog. Simply allow me to express myself from time to time (though, in fact, after some editing, I had deleted seven paragraphs of this post because it was too vulgar and crude and negative)

I hope you’ll have a great day, and I’ll see you on my next post! xoxo